In memory of a wonderful woman

I have had a hectic and exhausting week. Last Thursday I headed out to California to be with my grandma. When I got to the hospital, my grandma was on a feeding tube and this breathing device that removes the CO2 from her heart because her heart wasn't working properly to do it itself. That afternoon they took her off both of these things because my grandma had been a firm believer of not living on things like this. And I tend to agree. I really don't want my loved ones to prolong my life solely because they are too selfish to let me go. Plus, if they waste all that money keeping me alive on life support how on earth will they pay for my big "going away" party?! Oh yes, I want there to be lots of laughter and fun stories and drinking - of course drinking - after I pass on. Celebrate me as I was, not as I became. Ok, sorry for the dialogue, but I have to find a way to make some fun at a time like this.

Back to the main point. So basically it was a waiting game at that point. Without those things we knew she would not make it. So we just sat around the hospital all day and night - although I got out of night duty because of how busy I am at work and I can't afford to get sick - so Thursday and Friday was spent at the hospital. Saturday morning we were there too. I did manage to call Jeremy before we headed to the hospital to wish him a Happy Valentine's Day! And then I told him where he could find his surprise. It literally had been under his nose, but thankfully he was oblivious, so it remained a surprised. If you know me well you know that I LOVE cards and have trouble picking just one. So I normally end up with at least two (but have been known to give 3 at times). So I have a nice funny card for him with wonderful "coupons" he can use at a later date. And then of course the romantic one that tells him he is the love of my life and how lucky I am to have him. (All true of course!) And since we normally don't celebrate Valentine's Day, I didn't get him a major gift; just a small token to let him know I was thinking of him and that he is my SWEETheart. Personalized M&Ms baby! Yup, a bag of red and pink M&Ms with "I Love You!" and "You're Mine!" on them. Fun, fun! He thoroughly enjoyed them.

Ok, I got off track again. Around noon the doctors decided to move her to another floor of the hospital since she didn't need as much care. So we went in one elevator and she was in another and when we got to the 6th floor (from the 4th) she had stopped breathing and she was gone. In a way it was ironic because my mom had just said that morning that maybe she wanted to die alone and since someone was always with her - day and night - she didn't have that opportunity until the elevator. I like to think that my grandpa was calling his sweetheart home to him on Valentine's Day and that they got to spend the holiday together again. That's the romantic in me. And, also, it's me trying to be positive. (Remember my New Year's Goals?)

It's been very hard on everyone, but we tell ourselves she's no longer suffering and she is in a better place. And she had her immediate family with her: my mom, my aunt, my uncles, my cousin, and me. It was wonderful we all were able to be by her side and say our goodbyes. And, by the grace of God, my grandma did "wake up" enough once to tell us all that she loved us very much and I was able to tell her that I loved her too.

Sorry for the downer post. I'll try to make the next one a happy one! But, my grandma was a very special woman in my life and I felt like I should honor her here.

I already posted one of my favorite photos of my grandma in my previous post. Here are a few more:

Grandma and Jeremy before our wedding.

Grandma was the Dancing Queen!

Summer 2008.

Summer 2008: mom, grandma, and me.

Grandma's Vineyard.

***I apologize for the lack of spacing between paragraphs. I literally have edited this post 10 times and when I go to publish it, the spaces suddenly disappear. ARGH! So, if you have a problem with it, please take it up with Blogger, because they have MAJOR issues I think. I mean, when you input a photo it should go to where your cursor is -- NOT all stacked up at the top of the page messing up your spacing. Anyway, I apologize for Blogger's crappy workmanship.